Dirtpie McGee

Dirtpie McGee was born to a Dragon-born book-shopkeeper and the half-pixie concubine he charmed during the wars in the Land of Aerostand early in his career as a mercenary. Born at a time when the fortunes of his town were waning, McGee was raised as an only child, with few companions. Young Dirtpilicus -- named for his great grand-wyrm, Dirtpilicus -- turned to books and tomes, gaining a comprehensive knowledge of pre-Cataclysm arcane lore and phantasmal fiend-folk. As the youngest such historian in his province, McGee gained notoriety with passing merchants who often told tales far and wide of his encyclopedic nerd lore mastery.

On one occasion, these tales met the ear of Aristophegal Thessune, one of the greatest Auromancers of the day, whose entire existence had been spent in the pursuit of fiend-folk literature, with a specialization in women-fiend-folk-of-color studies. He travelled, disguised as an aged crone, eating only fruits and vegetables and experiencing terrible stomach pains, until he came to the town of Dirtpilicus McGee. Listening furtively to McGee's lively conversations about shadowy fiend-lore with his town folk led Thessune to the conclusion that he posed a grave threat to Thessune's own position as acknowledged Fiend-Oracle of the Baronical Cerulean Conclave.

Waiting until late in the evening, Thessune stepped from the shadows at the edge of the dusty road as McGee made his way homeward. Aristophegal Thessune asked if the man was Dirtpilicus McGee, to which he replied "That's me!" But rather than a friendly conversation about the finer points of the invisible-folk, McGee was blasted with a curse so powerful in it's effect, so deeply intruding upon the mind, so potently disruptive to his vocabulary and sense of self-hygiene, it left him debilitated, defenestrated, defibrillated, deflated, abated, frustrated and inarticulately unsated that he fell to the dusty earth, spasming in inarticulate rage and horror. His mind was wiped so clean of all his beloved lore that forever more he wandered, dusty and caked with filth from town tavern to town tavern uttering the only two words his enfeebled mind retaind... "That's me!"

"Dirtpie" McGee, they now called the fetid hobo, as he malingered his way from one tavern to another. Though the town folk who spat upon him thought the epithet Dirtipie only a derivation of his given name, it was an even crueler double entendre, for in the ancient draconic, the -licus suffix in a name indicated that the named entity was in thrall or in the service of the name root, Dirtpi, in this case. Dirtpi, of course, was the fabled Emerald Dragon, scion of the fifth major house of draconic bloodlines, also known as He Who Has Restored What Was Lost To Its Previous Glory. The cruel irony then that his name should shift from the service of Dirtpi, to the very opposite of what Dirtpi represented.

Luckily, the spell also wiped out that little tidbit from his noggin. So he mostly just wandered around looking for ale.

Eventually, somewhere between Episode 4-2 and Episode 0-2, Dirtpie visited his mother, the pixie, now taken up with a half-minotaur (left horn) who runs the bowling alley in Fairhaven, who was able to restore his ability to speak. It didn't make him not evil. Or clean. But it's a start.

You could go back to Ensemble Characters, but why?

Submitted for HSWT Canonical consideration October 26, 2017 by the influential Vegas Lancaster.